Talk To Me Tuesday; Moving Forward
This is part 2 of our post election series where we are focusing on healing and moving forward. We are all living in a culture and society that is steeped in abuse, in little subtle ways and in very big obvious ways. It has destabilized us, making us feel confused, angry, out of control, and frustrated. When abuse is normalized, these emotions will likely be expressed in an abusive way towards others or ourselves, perpetuating the abuse cycle. We need to end this cycle and move forward. Janine and I talk about some great first steps to do that.
If You Are In An Abusive Living Situation
This segment is meant for the societal abuse currently happening on a large scale. We fully recognize that there are a large number of people that are currently living in dangerous situations, especially with the current pandemic. Please know there IS help out there – NOBODY EVER DESERVES ABUSE. Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 24/7
Abuse is not just bruises and scars – it can be mental, emotional, financial, and sexual as well. Nourish My Soul can help direct you to local resources if needed as well.
Steps For Moving Forward
An important piece of moving forward is building trust in yourself to know that you are able to make sound decisions that are best for you. This builds independence and confidence. Most of us think of ourselves as being honest and trustworthy, but we are asking you to be brutally honest with yourself and dig deep to realize whether or not this is true.
1. Write out your values and morals.
These are going to look a little different for each of us. There is no right or wrong here. This is leaning into your truest self. What do you aspire to? What values are most important for you? And yes, write them down! Putting it in writing is a great way to build accountability.
2. Reflect on your daily life honestly.
Look at your every day life. Are you upholding those values and morals? For example; if I write that “Honesty” is one of my top values, I need to look at how many times I am dishonest in a day. How often am I saying “yes” to something that I know isn’t something I want or can really do right now? Often I will say yes because I want to please the other person, I don’t want to let them down or to feel they can’t count on me. However, when I take a step back and ask myself what would happen if I said “no”, I realize that is being honest and trustworthy. The other person might still be disappointed, but I have normalized honesty and self advocacy which builds my trust in myself and gives permission to others to do the same.
3. Be loving and compassionate with yourself.
Not one of us is perfect. When we can examine ourselves and our patterns of behavior with unlimited love and compassion and without judgement, that is when we can move forward. Otherwise we are stuck in patterns of abuse because we place blame, shame, and guilt on ourselves. These emotions keep us stuck. We can have remorse and we can desire to be better, those are positive emotions. Identify where you are feeling the blame, shame, and guilt and replace it with love and compassion to move forward. You may find yesterday’s Mindful Monday helpful where I talk about self love.
4. Find one behavior to shift
Work on one thing at a time. Choose the one behavior you want to change, and set your daily intention. Start with your safest, closest relationships to begin altering your behavior and responses to align with your values. Once you have mastered it in these circles, it will become easier to apply it in your other, more distant relationships. This is also a great way to identify abusive relationships. When you start shifting your behavior to better align with your values, if others place blame, shame, or guilt on you for doing this – that is a red flag that the relationship is unhealthy. This allows you to make a conscious choice about how much energy you now want to expend into this relationship.
Talk To Me
I invite you to join the conversation – tell us if you found this helpful, in what ways, and what the outcomes have been. I am really looking forward to learning from all of you as we move forward, away from abuse and into healing together!
With Love & Gratitude,